The Rabbit Hole of Love.

Life is filled with valuable lessons.  Oh yes!.  I have jumped into the rabbit hole of love many times and I have not regretted a single one.  Okay, let me make note of something, during a shit storm, I did question, WTF? Why?? Can I just erase this and make it go away?  However, after the dust has settled, the hurt is gone, and I have allowed myself to go through the healing process, I am back to feeling love again.  I don't feel fragmented and I am fairly good at piecing myself back together.  Wait, remember Xena the Warrior Princess?  Yeah, I have a few female warrior friends that surround and protect me when I am to weak to pick myself up.  

So this past year, as far as relationships go, some have hurt worse than others.  I am willing to take a leap of faith but I do proceed with caution as to not  get to the boiling point of self-destruction.  There are two things I keep in mind when I make the decision to get involved; Bob Marley once said, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”AND, Rome was not built in ONE day.  

If it's meant to be, the seed planted will grow and bloom into something magnificent.  There's no magic formula to finding love.  When I come across articles that discuss  "rules of dating", I instantly think, BLAH.  What a hassle.  What's wrong with just being who you are?  Do we really live in a society where playing the cat and mouse chase is thrilling and do men really want to be a superhero?  I am by far a damsel in distress, and being a single woman/mother means you gotta be FIERCE.  I will only open my soul fully to one I deem is worth suffering for.  Again, all relationships, regardless of type, take time to cultivate.  So what I have learned this past year????

A few things:

• Date locally:  Long distance has very little chance of working.  Since it takes time and work to build a relationship, it is best to do it face to face.  At least, in my own experience, I have come to accept long distance is not for me.  
• Don't date someone who is afraid to be alone:  I have come to appreciate being in solitude.  I am not afraid to be alone and I don't want to be co-dependent on someone for my happiness or vice versa.  I can not save anyone, but I can walk next to them.  One has to be willing to understand the value of saving themselves.  
• Listen to my Inner Wild Woman:  This one can be somewhat tricky, because sometimes it is fear that holds us back.  However, I have found that with practice you get better at listening to what your inner voice is trying to tell you.  If you feel it in your bones and at the core of your soul, do not ignore it.  Follow through and have faith in yourself.  Not everything needs an explanation.    

It is refreshing and LIBERATING to own who you are.  It feels fanfuckingtastic!

I will recommend an excellent website, A site I frequent and learned from as well. Natalie Lue's Baggage Reclaim's site isn't so much about how to date, it's about relationships and the issues that can and do occur.  Her articles empower one to take control and responsibility of their lives http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/.

Live and Love Fiercely, 
Marsha
 
 

Embracing My Personal Madness

My last blog was about being depressed and I have to admit, I don't mind it.  At first, there was this fear factor, diving into the abyss of my soul and into the many layers of my human psyche, well it was fucking surreal and somewhat intimidating.  Why is that it took me years to actually take that journey, the journey of the self?  There were a series of events in my life that occurred and I finally decided to take the RED pill.  Ever since then, I haven't looked back.  I can't imagine what life is like without going inside of myself and really getting close to  my own madness.  There's is a sort of a chaotic yet calm beauty that arises when one begins to understand their own madness.  

In my world, depression is normal, it is part of being human.  It is true, that in order to be joyful one must also endure pain.  I believe that in all of my trials and tribulations, pain, suffering, screaming, yelling, wanting to die, being dead inside, I have learned to value and love Marsha.  Evolving is an everyday part of living and I shall not lie, it does take practice.  I don't always walk around with a smile on my face. When I am down or feeling like a piece of gum stuck on the bottom of someones shoe, there's always a part of me that is grateful.  Grateful that I am alive and I know that this too shall pass (whatever this is at the time).

At any rate, Life is fucking awesome:)  

Live and Love Fiercely, 
(fuck what everyone else thinks)

Marsha.