Bamboo

Metaphysically Fierce... I am still howling.  I spent about 2 hours dancing and reconnecting with the UNIVERSE.

Divorced for the second time.  I spent three years with a man that I loved fiercely and over time the relationship began to deteriorate and so did that feeling of love.  Relationships take two people, right?  It is never going to be 50/50, correct?  All good.  Jlo's song comes to mind "I'm ain't your mama" 

I clearly remember, after everything exploded and he was gone,  I went through the phases of grief.  It is quite a mind fuck.  A few days after he left, I spoke to a friend, and he asked me - Marsha, did he gaslight you?  I felt insulted, I bit his head off.  What? Me? never.  My friend wasn't used to hearing me sound so out of sorts.    

At the end of the day, I am not a victim.  My heart and soul were open and he was in my circle, until he showed me who he was and La Loba started to shake, shake, shake - I ignored it.  Sometime during December 2019 he told me he wanted a divorce. He said a lot of things that made sense - such as: we are not right for each other, I have been depressed, you are too strong for me - My response was, wait what? lets work on it.  Deep down I knew he was right.  I just wasn't willing to accept it.  

About a few weeks later, he woke up in state of rage - blaming me for giving something to my daughter, called me a manipulator, a liar, stated that the relationship was shit, and that he was done .  At that point, I said okay. Fuck it.  He called me minutes later and wanted to reconcile.  Okay sure.  Then a few weeks after that, we were sitting in my living room and I was thinking, you know fuck this, I am sitting here like some dumb ass trying to work on a dead marriage and being supportive - and he is still being a dick.  I decided, no more.  

It took me a few weeks to collect myself.  I spent some time within the confines of my soul... allowing La Loba to take over.. Shake, shake, shake.  La Loba - the center of me, it is where I found healing.

My body, soul, and mind have now found its rhythm with the Universe... Letting go completely and taking what I needed to learn from that relationship... nourishing my soul with it, feels good.  

Accepting things and people for what and who they are... Exhilarating.  

I don't feel regret - I don't miss him.  I gave too much of myself and went into survival mode. 

I am free.  At last.  

Aoooooooooo